ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
