he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
