addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize