he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
nutella sex= disaster
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
