so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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