He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
