You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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