I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I enjoy the company of your penis
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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