haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
