Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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