Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
