I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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