Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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