I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
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I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize