Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
