remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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