Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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