I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
