I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
