my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
