I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
