I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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