So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
