sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
