eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
