WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
