YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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