The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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