He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
