Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
