Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize