Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
