I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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