Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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