so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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