Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
