who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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