my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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