i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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