the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
