laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
