so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
