thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so let's talk penis.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
