Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
