I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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