What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
