Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
