false alarm. still invincible.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
