would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
