OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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