fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
