You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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