i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
