I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I skipped work to stalk him.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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