So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I look better un-naked...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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