i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
whose parrot is this?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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