can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
