I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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