god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
