mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
